0.   Learn first- Oh thou who cruisest unto our ancient garage! – that balance is the basis of the ride. If thou thyself are not balanced and aligned, whereon wilt thou sit to steer thy vehicle?

  1.   Know then,that is man is born into this world without a ride; so must his first endeavor be to seek transportation.

  2.   Thou then who hast troubles and breakdown, rejoice because of them,  for by their means is not only the chance for repair, but for gain of knowledge, and by their means is a pathway opened unto the Road.

  3.   How should it be otherwise, O man, whose commute is but a moment in  Eternity, a gallon of gas in a large-bore V8; how, were thy trial not  many, couldst thou purge thy ride of the dross of unleaded? Is it but now that the Higher Gear is beset with hazards and difficulties; hath it not ever been so with the Drivers and Mechanics of the past? They have been arrested and cheated, they have been road-weary of men; yet through this also has their glory accelerated.

  4.   Rejoice therefore, O motorhead, for the greater thy breakdown the greater thy repair. When men shall revile thee and ridicule thy duct  tape, hath not the Master said "Cool ride, dude!"?

  5.   Yet, O motorhead, let thy chariot bring thee not vanity, for with increase of horsepower shold come increase of handling. He who driveth light, thinketh he driveth well; but he who has true traction, grips.  Seest a man who is fast in his own conceit? There is more hope of a fool, than of him.

  6.   Be not hasty to condemn others' driving, for how knowest thou that in their place, thou couldst have avoided the crash? And even were it so, why shoudst thou despise one who is in worse shape than thyself?

  7.   Thou therefore who desirest Mechanical Gifts, be sure that thy wrench is firm and steadfast; for it is by cobbling thy repairs that the Weak Ones will gain power over thee. Unhorse thyself before thy Self, yet fear neither driver nor police. Fear is breakdown, and the forerunner of the wreck: and courage is the beginning of repair.

  8.   Therefore fear not the Police, but be firm and courteous with them; for thou hast no right to despise or revile them; and this too may lead thee to arrest. Confound and appease them, appeal to the Higher Court if need be; but neither mock nor revile them, for so assuredly wilt thou be led to the slammer.
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  9.   A driver is what he maketh himself within the limits fixed by his inherited destination; he is a part of traffic; his actions affect not only what he called himself, but also the whole freeway.

  10.   Worship, and neglect not, the physical vehicle which is thy temporary transportation through the outer and material world. Therefore let thy mental Equilibrium be above disturbance by traffic; strengthen and control the animal passions, discipline the emotions and the reason, nourish Courteous Driving.

  11.   Observe right of way for its own sake, not for reward, not for  gratitude from other drivers, but for a smooth cruise. If thou art a good driver, thou wilt not long to impress other drivers.

  12.   Remember that unbalanced power is out of control; that unbalanced braking is but friction and loss of mileage; but that also unbalanced carburetion is but premature engine failure. Drive passionately; think rationally; be smooth.

  13.   True performance is as much handling as it is power; it is control.

14.   Remember that this road is but a bend in the universe, and that thou thyself art but an ant thereon, and that even couldst thou become the fastest car on the road whereon thou speedeth, that thou wouldst, even then, be but a slow piece of metal, and one amongst many.

 15.   Nevertheless have the greatest maintenance schedule, and to that  end sin not against thy ride. The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and willfully to ignore signs of breakdown, to fear repair lest that effort pander not to thy meanness of time and expense.

  16.   To obtain Mechanical Power, learn to control tools; turn only those bolts that are in harmony with the shop manual, and not every stray and contradictory nut that presents itself.
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  17.   Fixed adjustments are a means to an end. Therefore pay attention to  the power of silent operation and valve lash. Smooth running is but the  outward expression of adjustment, and therefore hath it been said that  "the sound of disrepair is clatter." Tuning is the commencement of  acceleration, and if a chance adjustment can produce much effect, what cannot correct timing do?

  18.   Therefore as hath already been said, Establish thyself firmly in the equilibrium of suspension, in the centre of the Cross of the Drive-train, that power-plant from whose manifold the Creative Roar issued in the birth of the morning traffic.  

19.   Be thou therefore slick and nimble as the Front End, but avoid  toe-in and caprice; be energetic and strong like the Engine, but avoid  pollution and noisy exhaust; be flexible and attentive to the changes of the road like the Suspension, but avoid swaying and vibration; be  laborious and patient like the Gears, but avoid growling and grinding.

20.  So shalt thou gradually develop the powers of thy ride, and fit  thyself to command the road. For wert thou to attract the Highway Patrols to indulge their avarice, thou wouldst no longer command them, but they would command thee. Wouldst thou abuse the pure Treads of the radials to burn thy rubber and satisfy thy hunger of speed? Wouldst thou debase the Spirits of Living Fuel to serve thy wrath and aggression? Wouldst thou violate the purity of the Souls of the Coolant to appease thy lack of oil? Wouldst thou force the Spirits of the Steering Wheel to minister thy folly and caprice? Know that with such desires thou canst but attract the Slow, not the Quick, and in that case the Slow will pass thee.

  21.   In true religion there is no marquee, therefore take thou heed that  thou blaspheme not the name by which another knoweth his ride; for if  thou do this thing in Studebaker thou wilt blaspheme deSoto, and in Matchless, Indian. Brake - and ye shall stop! Steer - and ye shall turn! Turn the key - and it shall be started unto you.