The Book of the Sacred Mechanics
of
Abramotor the MechaniC
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I
O! Lenny, my son, neglect not the study of this Book, which I,
Abramotor, the son of Sinclair, have learned, in part from my father,
and in part also from other Wise and True Mechanics, and which I
have found to be true and real, having submitted it unto proof and
tune. And having written this with mine own hand, I have placed it
within this toolbox, and locked it up, as a most precious treasure; in
order that when thou hast arrived at the proper legal driving age
thou mayest be able to admire, to consider, and to enjoy the marvels
of the Lord; as well as thine elder brother Joey, who, as the first
born, hath received from me the Holy Tradition of the Mechanic.
II
The Wisdom of the Lord is an inexhaustible fountain of Oil
Pressure, neither hath there ever been a man born who could
penetrate the venerable depth of its sump. The Sages and Holy
Mechanics have lubricated their bearing surfaces thereby, and been
fully cooled and protected therewith. But with all this, not one
among them hath been able to comprehend or know the Radial
Principles, because the Engineer of all things reserveth that unto
Himself; and, like a jealous Driver, He hath indeed wished that we
should enjoy the transportation thereof, but He hath not wished to
permit us to touch either the Steering Wheel or the Gearshift.
III
Firstly; having carefully washed one's own body and put on fresh
coveralls, precisely a quarter of an hour before Sunrise ye shall enter into
your Service Bay, and place yourself upon your knees before the Hood, turning
your faces toward the engine; and devoutly and with boldness ye shall
invoke the name of the Lord, thanking Him for all the grace which He hath
given and granted unto you from your driving age until now; then with
humility shall ye humble yourselves unto Him,
and confess entirely unto Him all your tickets; supplicating Him to be
willing to pardon them and clear your record.
When first ye shall enter into the Service Bay, leave your shoes without, and having opened the Hood, ye shall place within the Ignition the Key which you shall have brought with you, you shall turn the Key, and and take from the Toolbox the Cap, the Rag, and the Wrench, placing them upon the Hood. Then take the Sacred Oil in your left hand, cast some of the Starting Fluid upon the Carburetor, and place yourself upon your knees, praying unto the Lord with fervour.
When first ye shall enter into the Service Bay, leave your shoes without, and having opened the Hood, ye shall place within the Ignition the Key which you shall have brought with you, you shall turn the Key, and and take from the Toolbox the Cap, the Rag, and the Wrench, placing them upon the Hood. Then take the Sacred Oil in your left hand, cast some of the Starting Fluid upon the Carburetor, and place yourself upon your knees, praying unto the Lord with fervour.
The Orison
"O Lord God of Mercy; who forgettest the iniquities, the
driving errors, and the lapses of maintenance by men; have pity upon
me, and take away from me all iniquities and malice; cleanse my soul from the
uncleanness of carbon deposits, and sanctify me with the Oil of thy
Lubrication, wherewith thou hast anointed all thy Mechanics. Amen."
Having finished your Orison, rise from your knees, and anoint the centre of your forehead with a little of the Sacred Oil; after this anoint the four corners of the Hood. Touch also with this Holy Oil the Cap, the Coveralls, the Wrench, and thine own hair. Then with your finger dipped in the Oil you shall write upon the four Quarter Panels these words: "In whatever vehicle it may be wherein Acceleration of My Engine shall be made, I will drive unto you and I will bless you."
Having finished your Orison, rise from your knees, and anoint the centre of your forehead with a little of the Sacred Oil; after this anoint the four corners of the Hood. Touch also with this Holy Oil the Cap, the Coveralls, the Wrench, and thine own hair. Then with your finger dipped in the Oil you shall write upon the four Quarter Panels these words: "In whatever vehicle it may be wherein Acceleration of My Engine shall be made, I will drive unto you and I will bless you."
™